MARCH’S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES 


MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers, LEBANON, OHIO 


»S 635 
Z9 
1895 
Dopy 1 


An Up-To-Date Proposal 

By Jeannette Joyce 


Copyright, 1920, by March Brothers 


CHARACTERS 

Gladys Jones —An Up-to-Date girl. 

Jimmie Scott — A very modern young man. 

Father Jones— ) { m p 0r f an i enough to consider. 

Mother Jones— ) 

Scene: A modern living room. Piano or phonograph may he used. Cosi 
may he exaggerated styles of today. r 

Curtain rises displaying Gladys pounding out ragtime or running it off — 
phonograph. 


Jimmie ( entering and tossing cap across the room ) : Ilello, kid do! Ill say 
that’s some jazz you’re pounding out. (She turns a nd tosses head or makes 
face at him.) But say, stop it. I got something to say to you tonight, 

Gladys (coming over and standing by the divan on which he is seated ) : Ay, 
quit kiddin me. 


Jimmie: No, honest, Gladys, I’m not jokin’. 

Gladys (dropping herself beside him): Sine. 

Jimmie (throwing arm across back of divan) : 
kid, don’t you? 


Sit down here, won’t you? 

Now shoot, I’m ready. 

You know I think a lot of you, 



Gladys : Oh, I don t know. 


Jimmie : Why, just think girl, how long 
isn’t it, since we met at Sue s house, 
stuck to one girl that long before. 


I been hangin’ around. Three months, 
and you can take it from me, I never 



C5,.adys (moving away): Is that, really true (sarcastically)! Well, you’re 
not the first fellow that’s been able to stick to me tor three months. 







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An Up-to-Date Proposal 


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Jimmie {beating 'pillows vigorously) : I know that mighty well, Gladys, that’s 
what makes me nervous. Say, honest, kid, I am crazy about you. 


Gladys {archly) : Oh! I don’t know about that. 

Jimmie: Yes, I am. I like your style. I’m daffy about your dancing and 
there isn’t a girl in our crowd that’s got anything on you. Say, come on; 
let’s be married just for fun. {Moves over and throws arm about her.) 

Gladys: All right. It’s a go. {lie kisses her; she jumps up.) We must 
celebrate with music. {Plays the wildest ragtime, while he sits in more sober 
\ mood till she comes back to him.) What’s the matter, long-face? 

\ 

Jimmie: Say, kiddo, what do you suppose your folks will say? 

Or * ~yr : What! Oh, you mean dad and mother! Who cares what they say ? 

e: But you see, your father knows that I haven’t much to keep you 
1 unfortunately he knows about that two thousand dollars I owe for 
ashed-up car. 

ys : We should worry! He can just pay that, if it hurts him, and fork 
»r my spending money as usual. A daughter isi a daughter, even if she 
married, I say. 

Jimmie: Girl, you’re a wonder. Are you sure you can manage it? 

Gladys : Surest thing in the world. 

Jimmie {with sudden inspiration) : Say, wouldn’t it be easier to do it after 
we are married. 

Gladys: Right-o, especially if they didn’t know beforehand we were going 
to be. 

Jimmie {excitedly) : Your father’s ear is out in front. Let’s take it and 
speed over to Gretna Green. 

Gladys: All right, we’ll leave a note. Here, give me your pencil. {Writes 
note, places on table, while Jimmie goes into hall and returns with her hat 
and sweater , which he helps her into. She stops to put a record on phono¬ 
graph as they leave.) 

Jimmie {as they rush out) : Some sport, you are. 

Mother Jones {entering shortly from rear) : Well, where is Gladys? Gone 
with that young whipper-snapper, Jim Scott, I suppose. {Spies note.) 
Oh there {Reads with dismay.) 

Father Jones {entering): What’s up? 

©cth 55861 OCT - I I92G 





An Up-to-Date Proposal 


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Mother Jones: What’s up, enough! Listen to this, will you? Dear Dad 
and Mummer, Jimmie and I just decided on the spur of the moment we’d 
he married. When you read this we’ll be too far away for you to reach us 
in time for the wedding. We’ve taken your car, and Jimmie drives something 
awful. Send my month’s allowance to address below. It’s due tomorrow. 
Gladys. 


Mother Jones (sinking into chair) : Did you ever in your life hear of such 
a thing? 

Fathep. Jone^ ( calmly) : Oh, yes, several times in my life. It is just An 
Up-to-Date Proposal. 


( Curtain) 




library of congress 


0 017 400 023 2 • 


MARCH’S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES 

Five for 25 cents. Not Less than Five Sold. 

AUNT JANE VISITS SCHOOL. By Jeannette Joyce. Any number of males and females. After fifty 
years Aunt Jane spends a morning in a modern school. Her observations keep the audience in a roar. 

AUNT JERUSHA AND UNCLE JOSH. By Effie Louise Koogle. 1 male, 2 females. These eccentric 
folk visit the school, producing no end of fun. 

AUNT LUCINDY STAYS. By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females, Two darky characters make 
lots of fun. Clever and clean. 

“BEAT IT I” By Willis N. Bugbee. 3 males, 1 female. A scolding wife makes trouble for everybody, 
the parson included. Oceans of fun. 

BETTY AND BETSY". By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Betsy was advertised for sale, but 
he wanted Betty. Bright and pretty. 

THE BUGTOWN BAND. By Archibald Humboldt. 4 males, 1 female. More fun than you can imagine, 
and a little music which anybody can make. 

THE BUZZVILLE NEWS. By Effie Louise Koogle. 2 males, 1 female. A breezy conversation between 
the manager and new editor. A sure hit. 

DOT ENTERTAINS. By Elizabeth P. Guptill. 1 male, 1 female. Dot entertains her big sister’s beau, 

X and the things she tells him are a plenty. A big success. 

™ E GOOSE FEATHERBED. By Willis N. Bugbee. 4 males, 1 female. A dandy little play for Irish 
id eccentric characters. Easy and amusing. 

""E MAKES WASTE. By Harriette Wilbur. 3 males. The young drug clerk hurriedly grabs the 
;g bottle and learns that haste makes waste. 

DOCTOR’S OFFICE. By Jeannette Joyce. 4 males, 6 females. A take-off on the specialist of 
Incidentally a number of the follies of humanity are exposed in a laughable manner. 

ITER AND SONG. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males, 4 females. Comic dialog interspersed with 
songs, making a continuous funny story. 

1UT FOR HEZEKIAH. By Louise Rand Bascom. 3 males. 1 female. Hayseed parents visit 
dean. Splendid opportunity for clever acting. Bright and amusing. 

VATIC OR THE PROFESSOR. By Louise Rand Bascom. 2 males, 2 females. The lunatic 
,aken for the brain specialist, which is hard on the lunatic. Great. 

-i TIME OUT. By Carolyn F. Rice. 7 females. An amusing comedy dealing with the servant 
-toblem. The characters are strongly contrasted. Easy, but effective. 

> PEDDLERS ADMITTED. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 1 female. The busy man intended not 
to buy, but the peddler had a suave manner. 

OH, Y’OU TEACHER! By C. A. Donaldson. 8 males, 4 females. A splendid comedy of school life, 
showing the amateur teacher’s trials. Funny and well suited for schools. 

ONE ON THE AGENT. By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. A clever skit, bright and telling 
repartee. Recommended for all occasions. 

THE “PHYSICAL TORTURE” CLUB. By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Physical culture 
exercises for which Ma is too stout and Pa is too rheumatic. Killingly funny. 

A PROPOSAL IN GRAND3LA’S DAY. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. Full of fun for 
the modern audience. 

RASTUS BLINK’S MINSTRELS. By Effie Louise Koogle. For any number. His “Kinky Koons” are 
killing. The jolliest minstrel show ever. A deluge of drollery. 

“SCAT!” By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. Cunning attempt of an old maid to prove her 
youth. Very laughable. 

SEEING THE ANIMALS. By Clara J. Denton. 1 male, 2 females. A swell hotel clerk, a suffragette, 
and a spoiled child make a lively time. A hit. 

THE SQUASHVILLE FIRE BRIGADE. By Willis N. Bugbee. 3 males, 2 females; and other firemen, 
if desired. A brisk and snappy little dialog. Easy and clever. 

THE STUPID WITNESS. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males. The lawyer and witness lock horns and 
have an awful time, but it’s fun for the audience. Swift and keen. 

THE TRAIN LEAVES IN TEN MINUTES. By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 2 females. Will they 
catch the train? The awful suspense is punctured by fun and wit. 

THE TRAIN TO MORROW. By Jeannette Joyce. 3 males, 2 females. Confusion in a railway 
station resulting in no end of fun for the audience. 

THE TRAVELING PHOTOGRAPHER. By Kate Alice White. 3 males, 2 females. He unexpectedly 
visits a farmer’s family. All work is stopped and they pose for the picture. 

AN UP-TO-DATE PROPOSAL. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. A roaring farce that will 
keep the audience interested every minute. Effective when used vvith “A Proposal in Grandma’s Day,” 
but each complete in itself. 

WANTED: A LICENSE TO WED. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 2 males, 1 female. Humorous situation 
resulting from a misunderstanding. Irish dialect. 

No entertainments sent on approval or exchanged. 

MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers , 208-210-212 Wright Ave, Lebanon, O. 



















